Blindsides & Setbacks

"Get knocked down nine times, but get up ten" as the saying goes. Good lesson, but it seems to be irrelevant to me. I suffer from the opposite problem - I don't notice the first nine times at all, then get knocked down on the tenth. It's almost like I live with my feet planted, and the second I lift either foot life takes a swing. Sometimes I dodge the blow and take off running, free to find the next place to root. Other times the blow comes out of nowhere and I find myself dazed, staring at the sky.

No matter how you count the knocks, life is full of them and they are hard. We all have a tender place, and it is usually shocking when we get caught with it exposed. I spend much of my time wrapping all my tender places in cotton wool, however, the longer I live the more tender places need wrapping. I only have so much cotton wool. One cannot live mummified in cotton wool. So, my strategy thus far has been to set an expiry date on particular tender places, and after that date, the cotton wool can be placed somewhere else.

This strategy has been working for years. It means I live with an open heart and give myself time to heal after difficult times. Then, like a helium ballon, the expiry date arrives and I let the difficulty, stress, or negativity float away. I happily look back knowing I didn't waste any moments of happiness on negative feelings. However, occasionally, when I'm tying up the balloon, just having blown it up, someone sticks a pin in it. With a bang, my progress is gone.

So the question becomes, how to predict when there will be a pin nearby. I do not normally live life on my toes waiting to spot the person with the pin, because that would be exhausting. Perhaps it would be good to look around for pins right before sending the balloon off though. How to do this is the part that is still mysterious to me.

Getting in touch with one's emotions is something we all hear about, but how does one do it? Meditation is often proposed as a solution. I've been meditating for years, which is why the first nine times don't phase me. It would be ideal if the answer to this big question isn't "just meditate harder," because that sounds forced, rather the opposite of meditation's principles. Instead, perhaps another yoga-inspired strategy can be adapted to this area. Just as in Savasana one sends breath to each limb to relax it, perhaps one could send evaluative thoughts to each tender place to monitor status. A self-reflection without attachment, in a way.

Imagine a tender place that is relatively close to the surface for you. Now listen to your heartbeat or pulse. Did it quicken? Now, feel your body temperature. Did it rise? Next, notice your thoughts. Did they fall into negativity, justification, anger, or grief? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, perhaps it is not time to release the balloon yet. Continue wrapping that wound in cotton wool for a little longer. Continue to be compassionate towards yourself to promote healing. Reassign, or just delete the expiry date and let the balloon wait for another day. No one has to know you feel pain, weakness, or anger. It is just you and your thoughts, and next time you check in, maybe you will be able to let them float away.